We often Ask Why-But God Knows

"For He said to Moses,

"I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,

and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion."

"It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy."

Romans 9:15 & 16 (NIV)

"One of you will say to me, "Then why does Gos still blame us? For who resists His will? But who are you, oh man, to talk back to God?" Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it, "Why did you make me like this?" Does not the potter have the right to to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for a nobble purposes and some for common use?" Romans 9:19 & 21 (NIV)

"What if God did this to make known to the objects of His mercy, whom He prepared in advance for His glory-even us whom He also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles?" Romans 9 : 23&24 (NIV)

"It will happen in that very place where it was said to them, "You are not my people, they will be called the sons of the Living God." Romans 9: 26 (NIV)

I'm going to share something with you I thought I'd NEVER share publicly. About eleven years ago Mark and I were in a horrible fight that lasted three horrible days. On the third day he threw me on the bed and was going to take what he wanted. I rolled back over and dug him as deep as I could with my finger nails across his chest.

He went to the emergency room for superficial wounds. The incident was reported and I went to jail. (Before this, I had never been to jail for anything.) I cried so hard from my shame, I could not make my one phone call. After falling asleep on that December 23rd, I awoke to a guards slithering hand moving down my jump suit, while another guard held my hands back. As the tears rolled, I was plotting how I'd hang myself from the bars with a sheet.Psychologically my mind and will were spent.

Two other inmates prevented my rape. One "crazy" lady jumped on the guards back who was touching me. She bit him until he bled and stopped touching me. Another lady pleaded with the other guard, until he took her in my place. To this day I don't know why they interceded for me.

A few hours before this happened I found a Bible and a copy of Our Daily Bread over in a corner. I picked it up and started reading, for my own comfort. The little crazy lady came over and asked if I'd read to her. I said, "sure." Before I knew it there were ten other women out of sixteen women gathered around me listening to Bible verses and stories from Our Daily Bread. I read until I got horse. Then I laid down and fell asleep. (Mark and I had been fighting so much; I was really tired.)

The little crazy lady was taken out and heavily medicated. She was still sleeping when I was sent home the next day. The lady who pleaded for them not to rape me was orally and anally raped. It still makes me cry to think about her. She only knew me for a few hours, but was willing to endure my pain and shame.

As bad as all this was, I have no doubt that regardless of whatever happens to this body, in this life, God is ALWAYS with me. I also learned that there are "good people" in bad places. More importantly I saw how much love God gave when He sent His sinless son to die for a broken sinful world, more than we can ever imagine.