Imagine gong in for a medical procedure and coming out to find you've been violated. I've heard it has happened but never dreamed it would happen to me. The good news is my scopes were great-no Crohn's and I can even avoid surgery for a while.Waking up in the recovery room was odd. I went in the procedure room with a gown on but I laid naked, except for my socks, under a sheet. When I lifted the sheet, part of the bag that was cut out of the pouch for my stoma laid between my breast. I asked the lady who woke me up why that was there. She didn't know. She took it and threw it away.
The bag laid on top of my stoma, as human waste trickled down my left side. The top sheet was also covered in waste. "Why isn't my bag attached?"
"Derek, must have cut the opening out but forgot to attach it,"she said. Quickly she removed the tape and put it over the human waste on my skin. I started to pull it back off.
"I need a new bag and I need to clean this poop off my skin." She grabbed my hand and stopped me.
"No, you'll be fine. It will stick."
(How many of you reading this would want your human waste left on your skin and just covered with something? I didn't. I was afraid of smelling-not to mention the contamination factor around other people. There are times I hope these nasty people, who do such things, will one day have to live with an ostomy.)
I couldn't understand why my vagina hurt so much riding home. It felt like lots of sharp jabbing and burning pains, that were thrushing upwards. When we arrived at the restaurant I went to the bathroom to find a bloody slimy discharge in my underwear. I wiped it out and even smelt it. Fortunately, it wasn't semen, only my on bodily fluids with a little blood. I didn't say anything to my husband.
Of course I removed that bag, showered and put a new bag on when we arrived home. The next morning I woke up to find some one's art work on my stomach above my stoma. A side ways "S" had been carved into my belly just above my stoma. No, it wasn't deep-just scratched in with a scalpel or the sharp end of scissors. Dried up blood added to the evidence.
My neck was bruised with two fingers and a thumb imprints right on my jugular vein. Had I started to wake up while someone was molesting me? Did they pinch the jugular to make me pass back out? Why was my vagina so sore? It felt as if someone had rammed their extra long fingers farther into my vagina than it had ever been reamed.
I went outside to help Mark mow. As I pushed the mower it felt as if my innards especially my vagina was screaming out in dire pain. I sat across from Mark at lunch time. "What's wrong-you're awfully quiet today."
I looked up.
"What are those black and blue marks on your neck?"
The tears began to flow. "I think I was Finger F%^ked after I was scoped yesterday!"
"What-Why didn't you do something to stop it!"
"That's pretty hard to do if you're asleep. I think the marks on my neck are there because I did try to stop it."
"Why didn't you stop it?"
"Mark, I couldn't. You must know I'd never want this to happen. Look at my neck-someone pinched my jugular to make me pass back out."
I never wanted anything like this to happen but it has. I don't know why God lets things like this happen. I do know it's Satan's favorite ploy to discourage me. I even considered suicide yesterday. There's no good in giving Satan that victory.
This isn't the first time I've been violated sexually, maybe it will not be my last. I am glad there is a hell for demons and evil men like this. Personally I hope they burn extra hot in hell, while I laugh in heaven.
Please pray for Mark and me. We are struggling. I'm thankful for these verses in Romans chapter eight. I hope they encourage you as well. God bless you.
18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that[h] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
More Than Conquerors
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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